What is True Love?

True love isn't what you feel when you first meet someone


True love isn't what is felt after people learn to become intimate


True love is not the emotions felt in the middle of passionate sex.




What is True Love?


Time and experience give people a better understanding of love. I've seen so many people marry, divorce, remarry, divorce. It almost seems like a mad cycle.


Those who stay together are not always the best off. Many of them are in passive-aggressive relationships where bitterness and anger fester for years.


There are real cases of true love, but they are hard for people to find. Not because they are rare, but because 'emotionally healthy people get together' and 'dysfunctional people feel most comfortable with other dysfunctional people.'


If you are not in a 'true love' relationship then it is probably because there are dysfunctional parts of your personality make 'emotionally healthy' people stay away from you. It is the same theory that makes everyone who likes to rebel/drink/have casual sex will all meet in the bar on Friday night.


You also remember that a couple in an emotionally healthy relationship do not need to leave their home to feel happy. They do not need to seek out a friend - they have one. So, they are not likely to be out 'looking' in the same places that you are.



What is True Love?


After the passion stage, and the affirmation, and the intimacy, comes the total acceptance of the other person and the commitment stage.



Unconditional Acceptance Stage of Marriage


This is the third stage of a healthy relationship. No unhealthy relationship, selfish person, or dysfunctional relationship will ever reach this level.



During the transition through each of the stages of a relationship the couple must confront and resolve issues in their own lives, their past, and their relationship. There is a certain level of risk taking and effort to resolve issues.



This stage is defined as the stage where the couple decides there are some things that are easier to accept than argue over, or change. They measure how valuable being in a committed relationship is to them, how much they value the other person's love, and whether they are willing to risk driving that person away.



This is the stage where each member starts to learn the other's love language and work to make the other person feel loved. It is the stage where they decide to make things work. We can never change another person. The solution to all problems start by changing our own outlook and expectations.



Fantasy is Replaced by Realistic Expectations





The couple now realize that most of their past relationship was nothing more than a rush, a fantasy. They start to work to make the relationship, love, and emotions 'real.'



The word emotion is a combination of the words 'feelings' and 'action.' When we turn our feelings into an action then we are on the road to true love. Will there be deep feelings if we take the journey? Yes. Will we regain the feelings we felt at the beginning of the relationship? Yes - deeper and stronger.



There is an element of forgiveness in this stage. People realize that their needs are being met. Self forgiveness in part of forgiving others. There is an element of peace that can only be achieved in a committed relationship.



Primal Instinct


Most people do not understand that there are 5 human instincts that must be met before we can have a higher self-esteem or be happy. To be truly happy a person must be in a committed relationship. We cannot find a short-cut to this stage. We cannot feel good about ourselves without coming to the point that we must acknowledge this truth.