I bought a new logo design from www.virutaladagency.com I'll let you see it when ready.

We are tearing the walls down on our house. I can look right out the walls in some places. I have no storage. I can't wait until the insulation is done and we have drywall gain. Then I'll feel like I am living in a house.

Reduce Alcohol - Reduce Cancer

Women who drink above the government's recommended limit are 50% more likely to develop breast cancer, the UK Department of Health has said.

The health department report, claims that more than 14 units of alcohol a week will increased risk, with alcohol caused cancer causing 2,000 breast cancer cases a year.

Public Health Minister Dawn Primarolo said: "Women who regularly drink too much are 50% more likely to develop breast cancer. And many drink too much simply because they have no idea how many alcohol units they are consuming.

"After the campaign no-one will be in any doubt as to how many units they're drinking and the impact that can have on their health."

Stronger wine of up to 13% alcohol and larger 250ml glasses can make women think they are drinking less than they are.

Ms Primarolo said:

"It's fair to say that most women don't know how much they're drinking," she said.

"They don't know how many units they drinking. And don't know that, at 3.5 units, that large glass of Rioja they drank last night actually took them over their daily amount."

The group of women who are most compliant are the middle aged professional group of women.

Alcohol-related deaths have doubled in 10 years. Doctors are increasingly concerned at the growing number of women with liver damage, pancreatitis and cirrhosis.

Government figures show that 20 per cent of women in the UK (4.9million) drink 14 and 35 units a week, pushing them in the hazardous drinker category.

Your Journal Can Help Manage Cancer

Writers have long known the health benefits of writing. The medical world is discovering the benefits of writing as a theraphy. Writing can even reduce the stress and severity of cancer, according to the journal The Oncologist. They claim that the younger a person is, and those recently diagnosed, were most likely to benefit.

The key is to write thoughts and feelings, or the cognitive processing and emotions related to cancer. The patients who just wrote about facts showed no health benefits.

Twenty minutes of expressive writing can change 49% of people and how they feel about their thoughts on the illness, while 38% said their feelings towards their situation had changed.


Writing can reduce stress and helps people come to terms with things that happen in their life. This empowers them, brings closure, and helps calm people. Anyone can start writing in a journal. IF you cannot write, then make an audio recording of your journal.

Real Food That Can Suppress Appetite

There has been a lot of controversy in the news over natural appetite suppressants. Hoodia has been in the news. It has been painted with an evil brush, but what most people do not understand is that it has been eaten as a part of people’s diet for centuries. It is part of a naturally growing cactus that just happens to have the ability to suppress the appetite.

This made me wonder whether other foods have any appetite suppressant qualities. The first thing I learned was that most people are not hungry when they ‘feel’ hungry – they are thirsty. Today’s diet has cross wired our brains messages. Most people feel the same whether they are hungry or thirsty. Next time you want to reach for a snack, pick up a bottle of water first.

If water doesn’t do the trick, then drink vegetable broth. The broth is better than juice. The juice may have starches added to make the drink thicker, smoother, or improve the color. Broth is primarily water and does are not ad calories.

Green foods will suppress the appetite. Any green or leafy vegetable will work. The simplest ‘food’ is apples. It works for people who are feeding their emotions, and it also curbs the appetite. Eat about 30 minutes before dinner and you’ll eat less food.

Another appetite suppressant food is a pickle. Trader Joe’s pickles have the benefit of having no added food coloring. But, read the ingredients. Some pickles are more ‘candied vegies’ than pickles. They have no dietary benefits.

If you must pop pills, then take fiber pills. Drink plenty of water with them.

Without water they can cause digestive problems. Not only will they prime the digestive system so weight loss is easier, but the right ones will make the stomach feel full.

50% Divorce Rate an Urban Myth

No, not 50%

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 10% of them divorce twice. But, many divorced people are divorced more than 3 times.

Now, this number is an 'urban legend.' The rate of divorce has NEVER been 50%

The highest rate of divorce is the USA was 44% (including those who divorce mulitple times) The marriage rate in 2005 was 7.5 (per 1,000), down from 7.8 the previous year. This is FAR lower than 50% or even the 44% that some statistics claim. Shockingly, only 10% of the US population is currently divorced.


Divorce in Canada is actually on the decline. Currently, only 37% of divorces are expected to end before they reach their 30th anniversary.


US Per capita divorce rates 1990-2002:
1991, 0.47%
1992, 0.48%
1993, 0.46%
1994, 0.46%
1995, 0.46%
1995, 0.43%
1997, 0.43%,
1998, 0.42%,
1999, 0.41%,
2000, 0.41%,
2001, 0.40%,
2002, 0.38%
(Mostly from NCHS, some from Census Bureau's Statistical Abstract of the U.S.,

That is a lot less than 50% - interestingly, the % is dropping.

So, where does the urban myth start? It starts from quotes like the following (the important thing to understand is the true definition of the word PROJECTION - it is a guess - it is not fact):

"About 50% of first marriages for men under age 45 may end in divorce, and between 44 and 52% of women's first marriages may end in divorce for these age groups. The likelihood of a divorce is lowest for men and women age 60, for whom 36 % of men and 32 percent of women may divorce from their first marriage by the end of their lives. A
similar statistical exercise was performed in 1975 using marital history data from the Current Population Survey
(CPS). Projections based on those data implied that about one-third of married persons who were 25 to 35 years old in 1975 would end their first marriage in divorce.

"This cohort of people, who in 1996 were about 45 to 55 years old, had already exceeded these projections as about 40% of men and women in these ages had divorced from their first marriage. Current projections now indicate that the proportion could be as high as 50% for persons now in their early forties."

Rose M. Kreider and Jason M. Fields, "Number, Timing, and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 1996", U.S. Census Bureau Current Population Reports, February 2002, p. 18.

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It is also important to understand the source the information comes from.

Southern Baptist Convention's Council on the Family said that for "...born-again Christian couples who marry...in the church after having received premarital counseling...and attend church regularly and pray daily together..." experience only 1 divorce out of nearly 39,000 marriages

Barna Research Group released the results of their poll about divorce on 1999-DEC-21

11% of the adult population is currently divorced.
25% of adults have had at least one divorce during their lifetime.
34% of adults with no church affiliation are divorced.

These numbers were found using a test group of 3500 people.

The State of our Unions 2005 annual report, which analyzes Census and other data, is issued by the National Marriage Project at New Jersey's Rutgers University.

The U.S. divorce rate is 17.7 per 1,000 married women, down 22.6 in 1980. The marriage rate is on a steady decline: a 50% drop since 1970 from 76.5 per 1,000 unmarried women to 39.9, says the report, whose calculations are based on an internationally used measurement.

The USA has the lowest percentage among Western nations of children who grow up with both biological parents, 63%, the report says. (That means that only 37% are in single parent homes)

Can I Change My Spouse

No relationship can remain in the first love and romantic stages. These stages are meant to help us get together with other people and meet our primal needs.

Most people have several primal needs:

Primal: food, water, warmth

Safety: The need to be safe, have a secure job, protect the level 1 needs.

Relationships: To meet this need the person must learn to both give and receive love. They need to grow and change until they are someone who can love, and someone who can make others feel loved.

Self-Esteem: Most of us grow to the point where our childhood abusers no longer look like monsters - they are just dysfunctional people. At this stage we see them as week. The woman who survives an abusive relationship and leaves has grown past the infatuation and passion stages and now sees the tormentor for what they really are.

People need respect from others to feel good. However, the only way to get respect is to learn how to give it. Forcing others to act the way you want, getting obedience, threatening, abuse - none of this makes others respect us. This is the vicious cycle of abuse. We want respect - we force others - they hate. In return we don't get the respect and lose the relationship plummeting down the list of needs until we only have level #1 and level #2 covered.

How do I Change My Spouse?

The first step is to change yourself. Learn the Five Languages of Love. Each person has a love language. Most of us want others to be happy with our own love language. That is why people buy gifts and then force others to wear it all the time. The gift buyer is trying to feel loved by forcing the other to meet their love language needs.

This never works. You need to learn your spouse's love language and then feed their love language. This will change how they feel about you. This will change how they feel about you. It will change how they treat you.

Learn how to communicate without becoming angry or yelling. Conflict is healthy. Conflict with abuse, control, punishment is not. If one person in the argument refuses to continue dysfunctional behavior, the anger level will eventually drop.

Choosing to change should be a personal choice. Do not change because 'He will treat me better' or 'she will stop spending so much.' Instead, change because it will make you a different person and move you one step closer to becoming an emotionally healthy person.

Changing a partner is a useless goal. You'll never do it. You'll never make them love you. You'll never fix them.

Problem Solving

There are strategies for solving problems. Most analysts learn how to solve problems (successfully) among several people, or an entire organization. This is a fact. Every couple can find solutions to their problems by incorporating typical problem solving strategies to their house.

The focus should be control. Learn how to control your emotions, your behavior, and how you communicate. The only way to learn communication is to Google it and learn the different styles. This will teach you new patterns of relating to others in various situations, speaking, reading body language, and 'letting go' of things that don't really matter in the greater scheme of things.

Problem solving is the 'healthy' part of conflict. Unhealthy conflict ends with everyone at a stalemate, angry and refusing to resolve the problem. Healthy conflict ends with both parties working toward a resolution.


Suppressing emotions is a learned behavior habit of a victim. The victim would rather feel hostility and separateness than resolve problems. Their goal is to remain the victim so they do not feel responsible for growth. Some people stay in this state-of-mind because they fear intimacy and the victim (submissive) doesn't need to show intimacy.

Solution

Good communication. If you were able to communicate well, with yourself and others, than you'd never entered into a difficult relationship. Sometimes, working through problems and learning to change, can bring the couple closer together. Each person feels appreciation, receive affirmation, and a sense of connection with someone else who is in the same boat.

When To Call It Quits?

This is hard to say. If a person has reached the level of self actualization needed to be emotionally healthy then they are able to create a relationship with anyone who is not emotionally or physically abusive.

If you want to leave a relationship (that is not abusive) then there is a good chance that you are running away from your own problems.








Work at Home Freelance
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Living With Food Related Diseases

What is True Love?

True love isn't what you feel when you first meet someone


True love isn't what is felt after people learn to become intimate


True love is not the emotions felt in the middle of passionate sex.




What is True Love?


Time and experience give people a better understanding of love. I've seen so many people marry, divorce, remarry, divorce. It almost seems like a mad cycle.


Those who stay together are not always the best off. Many of them are in passive-aggressive relationships where bitterness and anger fester for years.


There are real cases of true love, but they are hard for people to find. Not because they are rare, but because 'emotionally healthy people get together' and 'dysfunctional people feel most comfortable with other dysfunctional people.'


If you are not in a 'true love' relationship then it is probably because there are dysfunctional parts of your personality make 'emotionally healthy' people stay away from you. It is the same theory that makes everyone who likes to rebel/drink/have casual sex will all meet in the bar on Friday night.


You also remember that a couple in an emotionally healthy relationship do not need to leave their home to feel happy. They do not need to seek out a friend - they have one. So, they are not likely to be out 'looking' in the same places that you are.



What is True Love?


After the passion stage, and the affirmation, and the intimacy, comes the total acceptance of the other person and the commitment stage.



Unconditional Acceptance Stage of Marriage


This is the third stage of a healthy relationship. No unhealthy relationship, selfish person, or dysfunctional relationship will ever reach this level.



During the transition through each of the stages of a relationship the couple must confront and resolve issues in their own lives, their past, and their relationship. There is a certain level of risk taking and effort to resolve issues.



This stage is defined as the stage where the couple decides there are some things that are easier to accept than argue over, or change. They measure how valuable being in a committed relationship is to them, how much they value the other person's love, and whether they are willing to risk driving that person away.



This is the stage where each member starts to learn the other's love language and work to make the other person feel loved. It is the stage where they decide to make things work. We can never change another person. The solution to all problems start by changing our own outlook and expectations.



Fantasy is Replaced by Realistic Expectations





The couple now realize that most of their past relationship was nothing more than a rush, a fantasy. They start to work to make the relationship, love, and emotions 'real.'



The word emotion is a combination of the words 'feelings' and 'action.' When we turn our feelings into an action then we are on the road to true love. Will there be deep feelings if we take the journey? Yes. Will we regain the feelings we felt at the beginning of the relationship? Yes - deeper and stronger.



There is an element of forgiveness in this stage. People realize that their needs are being met. Self forgiveness in part of forgiving others. There is an element of peace that can only be achieved in a committed relationship.



Primal Instinct


Most people do not understand that there are 5 human instincts that must be met before we can have a higher self-esteem or be happy. To be truly happy a person must be in a committed relationship. We cannot find a short-cut to this stage. We cannot feel good about ourselves without coming to the point that we must acknowledge this truth.

Marriage: Surviving the Power Struggle

After the romantic love fades then we are left with someone in our life, but no infatuation to cover their faults. This is part of a healthy relationship. When this happens the people are forced into the next stage of love.

Power Struggle

Each partner in this stage starts to mold the other into their ideal mate. They want to regain what they've lost. This is a normal part of the romance process. Many couples bicker and fight in this stage. This is also the stage where the abuse starts. This may also become the part where the 'cold war' starts.

This stage does the exact opposite of what the couple wants. Instead of regaining what was lost, the couple shows each other exactly who they really are. Two things will happen.

Couple A will work through this. They will compromise and help fulfill the other's needs.

Couple B will become more aggressive. They may do things to hurt the other person. They may feel betrayed. They will fight back. They may continue this stage for the rest of their marriage, or they may divorce.

The weapon of choice is not always words and anger. This couple may use guilt, blame, and emotional abuse to control the other person.

Couple C enters into a passive aggressive state where they pretend that everything is okay. The anger is burried, the pain and suffering remains.

Moving On

The feelings experienced in the earlier relationship can be regained, but only by moving forward to unconditional acceptance and committment. Let go of your demands and accept the other person as they are. After all, they were your soul mate, the one and only, the true love of your life.


It’s a normal growth phaze to fall out of romantic and passionate love and to endure conflict. Conflict and growth are healthy parts of a relationship. Without conflict, we do not grow as people. Seeing the world through another person's eyes, their Point Of View, helps us see our own faults, grow as a person, and builds understanding.

Quitting

Many people decide they made a mistake and divorce. The important thing to remember is that your next 'soul mate' will be just like this person. You will find the same type of person to be your soul mate. There will be the same falling out. The same conflict.

Quitting in a relationship should only be considered a 'good thing' if the other person becomes abusive, or feel they have the right to punish people who don't give them their own way.

What is Love?

Love is a pattern of relationship that is designed to bring people closer together.

Stage One: Attraction

They say that we are attracted to other people by pheromones - their scent. This arouses in us feelings of passion and excitement. We often overlook this person's faults because we are 'so in love' with them.

Logical thinking and cognitive reasoning fades as we make statements like:

They are perfect
They meet all my needs
We are soul mates
He is the one
We were born to be together
We are perfect together

This grows as we date. We can date for a long time because the pheromones are not with us 24/7 so we receive a fresh rush every time they enter our lives.

Stage Two: Romance - Romance/Passion

This can be different for different couples.

Couple A may 'out date' the rush and see the person for what they are and then just drift away.

Couple B may not 'out grow' the rush, but may see the cost of a relationship as 'too high' at this time in their life.

Couple C gets married. They are now together all the time. Many people wake up the morning after wondering what they did. The 'shock' of realizing they are married to a normal person is too much for their system. There are faucets that need fixing - and don't get fixed. Dishes that need to be done and don't get done because of work problems.

What ever transpires after the first few months, the 'rush' fades. Many people feel that they are falling out of love. This is not true. What is 'really' happening is that your body is growing accustomed to their pheromones, so you no longer get a rush.

Stage Three: Romance/Passion - Passion/Intimacy

We start to build a relationship. Most of us find this a little difficult. If we are mature then we will stay in the relationship. After all, we know that there is nothing better out there - and we have developed deep feelings for this person.

Those who have not grown up want to leave. They only wanted to be in the marriage for the rush. They never wanted to be a 'real' husband/wife.

To continue in a relationship we need to learn that love without action will die. Millions of people came together through arranged marriages. Many of these people learned how to fall in love.

The people will need to put some effort into the relationship. They will need to say 'I love you' and do nice things that makes the other feel better. (the truth about love: Your ability to feel love is directly related to your ability to give it. If you do nothing in the day to make others feel loved, then you will not be able to feel love.)


There are 5 stages of love:
Attraction
Romance
Passion
Intimacy
Commitment

Today many relationships go through the first three stages within a year or two, whether married or not. They often feel they've fallen 'out of love' before they reach level 4 or 5

The good news - if you push through then you'll not only reach commitment, but those who do hit the end learn that the cycle never stops. The couple will return to level one and continue through until the day they stop working at their relationship. At this time, everything just fades and dies. The couple becomes a stranger.

Not all relationships will grow. There are three types of people and romance:

Selfish Romance - this occurs when a person acts romantic for the purpose of gaining something -- like gifts, self-gratification, sex, help paying bills or with house work, or someone to talk to. This in itself is not a bad thing, the five languages of love are:

1. Words of Affirmation - talking, saying nice things to each other, compliments, sweet talking, romantic poems.



2. Quality Time - this type of person wants long walks, romantic dinners, theater nights, and snuggling infront of a fire/movie.



3. Gifts - if this is true, then it doesn't matter whether the gift is a rose wrapped in a lace bow, or a card with a little surprise in it. If the gift is not true, then the person will measure the gift's value by its price tag.



4. Acts of Service - there are some people who don't want diamonds or poetry. They will feel loved if you take out the garbage, help them with dishes, or help them get a project done.



5. Physical touch - this person may think they have it easy, but it is hard for these people. The need to be touched, stroked - more than sex.

(b) Selfless Romance - when someone understands the love languages and cares about the other person they act romantic for the sheer pleasure and enjoyment of their partner. You receive enjoyment and pleasure through others happiness.

Selfish romance dies quickly. Romance is an "act" that feeds on itself. It can die, but with a little effort, it can be brought back to life. Sometimes a couple can even ignite the rush of pheromones.
The following three stages are more difficult to define so I broke them in to the next few articles.

Stage Three: intimacy
Stage Four: Passion
Stage Five: Committment